I wake up this morning and see the beautiful blue sky outside my window. What a fine morning! And I see Halle Berry in the sky, sporting a silver bracelet and dark glasses. She has the usual indifferent attitude. What in the sky is she doing up there in the sky and why is she so big? Am I still dreaming? Were I, why would I see Halle Berry and not Ashley Tisdale or Caitlin Stacey instead? Is this God's way of punishing me for my high standards? "Well sue me, mate".
There's only one way to find out. I draw the blinds, so I can have a better view. I can now clearly see the orange colour of her James Bond movie attire. It is one of those goddamn billboards. It was certainly not there, outside my window when I last slept. When was it? What place is this? I look around. There's a cup of black coffee on the table by my bed, and an egg sandwich. What is with the coffee? I don't drink coffee, it's not healthy. I could use the sandwich though. I stick my left hand's index finger in the coffee and it is hot. Damn it! It hurts. My slow mind races to the conclusion, it is not a dream. Whatever it is, it's real. And now the innocent sandwich belongs to me, I can eat the sandwich. As my right arm swings voluntarily to grab the object of my desire, I hear someone breathing. The sound's coming from behind me. I am lying on my right side, so i turn around; it is a reflex action. I have only rotated a hundred degrees out of the hundred and eighty when a shiver runs down my spine. My face just about prevents a collision with some other face. I have company. I certainly did not have it when I slept. It is a girl, and a beautiful one. She's an attractive blond all right, but the unnerving truth is I can't figure out who she is. I spot someone's visiting card on the table by her side of the bed and I lean forward to hold it, trying to avoid brushing against her body when the phone suddenly rings.
Read the next part here.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
A Few Leaves from The Diary of Jane
Sunday
There’s this guy I know from the church. He seems intriguing. I don’t know his name but there’s certainly something in him which I find mysterious. Most of the times he appears pre-occupied. He comes alone, departs alone and doesn’t talk much. He even prays in silence; I wonder if God understands his wordless prayers. He doesn’t even close his eyes, as if he has no respect for the custom. People like him should better be atheists. He doesn’t bother much about what he’s wearing. Today he showed up in a checkered blue-black shirt and Bermuda shorts. But the worst part was: he was in sandals. What sort of a sane person does that? I’m sure there are a lot of losers like him wandering the streets, waiting for a chance to be with someone like me; like that’ll ever happen. What a loser!
Tuesday
I saw the guy from the church in market today; not that he was buying or anything, he works at the general store instead. I always knew that there was something that caused him to be the way he is. I know he’s my age, at least he looks so. What could’ve been the reason behind his working at the store? Probably his dad’s a drinker or -god forbid- is dead. He didn’t seem to recognize me. We’ve seen each other many times in the church, but I wonder if he was ashamed of the difference in our positions: his behind the counter and mine on the other side of it. That could be the only explanation of why he didn’t indulge in small talk with me. Most guys his age would give away their comforts to talk to me.
I don’t know why, but I certainly feel for him in a way a girl would feel for a boy she liked. If only I could hold him close to me and tell him that whatever he was, I would be there for him through thick and thin. If I could have him lay his head in my lap and caress his soft hair, I’d not feel this sadness I do now. Poor guy, I long for him.
Thursday
I went to the store again today, hoping I’d find him. Sadly he was not there. I asked for him and found out that people refer to him as JD. He was on a leave and he would be back tomorrow: the noon shift I was told. I will go there again tomorrow, not to let him know that I am fond of him or anything because that is the guys’ job; we girls just sit pretty and have them do the hard work: that’s the way this works. I will go there just to look at how he’s doing and stare into his deep blue eyes and gratify my eyes in the process, give him signals that will prompt him to talk to me: that’ll be the icing on the cake.
Friday
I was dressed my best today. I went to the store, right when I expected him to be at the counter. He was there, much to my joy. I waited for some time to let the other customers depart. I wanted his attention to be entirely subdued by my presence: that was plan A. As soon as the others were all gone, I went and stood in front of him, peering into his eyes, searching for the answers that had eluded my intellect. Actually that was my way of tantalizing him. He looked at me and waited for me to say something. After a while his gaze gave way and he looked away. Looking down he asked me what I wanted. I waited for him to look at me again, and gave him an inviting smile. He smiled at me, not in response to my smile but out of shyness and embarrassment. I told him I couldn’t find certain items in my list and asked him to help me out looking for them in the stalls. I led him to the stalls and he followed me. I’d look into his eyes and make him look away and then ask for a random product and make him find it, look into his eyes again and smile at his discovery; this was my little game. I did this several times, making sure he understood my signals. I swear I’d have continued this business for quite some time had a group of people not come in, forcing him to attend the counter again.
I am pretty sure he now has the knowledge that I want him to possess.
Sunday
What a loser. I’d have told him to go get a life had he waited long enough. JD met me in the church today, dressed all smart and smiled at me. Not only did he smile at me, he said hello. How did the wuss get all the courage to act in this manner? When I did not reply and walked past him, he stopped me and said he wanted to speak. I waited and he told me that he’d seen me at the store; as if I didn’t know. He asked me if I had been passing him signals and said that he wondered if I liked him. He must sure have overestimated himself; how could a girl like me like someone like him, why would a girl like me pass signals? I told him I was not interested and he said it was fine with him. How could it be fine with him? He should have shown at least some wistfulness, some disappointment. But he did not show any. He is too full of himself. How could it ever be fine with anyone who could not get to be with a girl like me? Guys like him do not deserve the company of girls. I knew from the beginning he was no more than a worthless loafer in the search of a girl to be with.
There’s this guy I know from the church. He seems intriguing. I don’t know his name but there’s certainly something in him which I find mysterious. Most of the times he appears pre-occupied. He comes alone, departs alone and doesn’t talk much. He even prays in silence; I wonder if God understands his wordless prayers. He doesn’t even close his eyes, as if he has no respect for the custom. People like him should better be atheists. He doesn’t bother much about what he’s wearing. Today he showed up in a checkered blue-black shirt and Bermuda shorts. But the worst part was: he was in sandals. What sort of a sane person does that? I’m sure there are a lot of losers like him wandering the streets, waiting for a chance to be with someone like me; like that’ll ever happen. What a loser!
Tuesday
I saw the guy from the church in market today; not that he was buying or anything, he works at the general store instead. I always knew that there was something that caused him to be the way he is. I know he’s my age, at least he looks so. What could’ve been the reason behind his working at the store? Probably his dad’s a drinker or -god forbid- is dead. He didn’t seem to recognize me. We’ve seen each other many times in the church, but I wonder if he was ashamed of the difference in our positions: his behind the counter and mine on the other side of it. That could be the only explanation of why he didn’t indulge in small talk with me. Most guys his age would give away their comforts to talk to me.
I don’t know why, but I certainly feel for him in a way a girl would feel for a boy she liked. If only I could hold him close to me and tell him that whatever he was, I would be there for him through thick and thin. If I could have him lay his head in my lap and caress his soft hair, I’d not feel this sadness I do now. Poor guy, I long for him.
Thursday
I went to the store again today, hoping I’d find him. Sadly he was not there. I asked for him and found out that people refer to him as JD. He was on a leave and he would be back tomorrow: the noon shift I was told. I will go there again tomorrow, not to let him know that I am fond of him or anything because that is the guys’ job; we girls just sit pretty and have them do the hard work: that’s the way this works. I will go there just to look at how he’s doing and stare into his deep blue eyes and gratify my eyes in the process, give him signals that will prompt him to talk to me: that’ll be the icing on the cake.
Friday
I was dressed my best today. I went to the store, right when I expected him to be at the counter. He was there, much to my joy. I waited for some time to let the other customers depart. I wanted his attention to be entirely subdued by my presence: that was plan A. As soon as the others were all gone, I went and stood in front of him, peering into his eyes, searching for the answers that had eluded my intellect. Actually that was my way of tantalizing him. He looked at me and waited for me to say something. After a while his gaze gave way and he looked away. Looking down he asked me what I wanted. I waited for him to look at me again, and gave him an inviting smile. He smiled at me, not in response to my smile but out of shyness and embarrassment. I told him I couldn’t find certain items in my list and asked him to help me out looking for them in the stalls. I led him to the stalls and he followed me. I’d look into his eyes and make him look away and then ask for a random product and make him find it, look into his eyes again and smile at his discovery; this was my little game. I did this several times, making sure he understood my signals. I swear I’d have continued this business for quite some time had a group of people not come in, forcing him to attend the counter again.
I am pretty sure he now has the knowledge that I want him to possess.
Sunday
What a loser. I’d have told him to go get a life had he waited long enough. JD met me in the church today, dressed all smart and smiled at me. Not only did he smile at me, he said hello. How did the wuss get all the courage to act in this manner? When I did not reply and walked past him, he stopped me and said he wanted to speak. I waited and he told me that he’d seen me at the store; as if I didn’t know. He asked me if I had been passing him signals and said that he wondered if I liked him. He must sure have overestimated himself; how could a girl like me like someone like him, why would a girl like me pass signals? I told him I was not interested and he said it was fine with him. How could it be fine with him? He should have shown at least some wistfulness, some disappointment. But he did not show any. He is too full of himself. How could it ever be fine with anyone who could not get to be with a girl like me? Guys like him do not deserve the company of girls. I knew from the beginning he was no more than a worthless loafer in the search of a girl to be with.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Jobless
He looked at the lines in his palm,
And wondered if they had any meaning.
The clefts, the wrinkles the crevices:
They must tell tales of his failures.
What could he ever do
To change his destiny?
He was speechless
And didn't understand the language of the lines.
That he would succeed one day,
The sightless pauper had told him.
He had believed him,
Remorse - now he felt - and self-reproach.
His old man had rebuked him
His intentions were foolish.
The poor can dream no dreams,
They're born in garbage and perish in trash.
He had fled, to the big place
To make it his own.
If only the big places had room
for small folk ...
The lines in his palm
Had become less distinct
From lifting heavy freight and cleaning cars,
And praying for a change.
He prayed for a change,
For the lines to be wiped off his palm.
Only if he believed,
Fate also favours those who’ve lost their hands.
And wondered if they had any meaning.
The clefts, the wrinkles the crevices:
They must tell tales of his failures.
What could he ever do
To change his destiny?
He was speechless
And didn't understand the language of the lines.
That he would succeed one day,
The sightless pauper had told him.
He had believed him,
Remorse - now he felt - and self-reproach.
His old man had rebuked him
His intentions were foolish.
The poor can dream no dreams,
They're born in garbage and perish in trash.
He had fled, to the big place
To make it his own.
If only the big places had room
for small folk ...
The lines in his palm
Had become less distinct
From lifting heavy freight and cleaning cars,
And praying for a change.
He prayed for a change,
For the lines to be wiped off his palm.
Only if he believed,
Fate also favours those who’ve lost their hands.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Failure
This is the best I could've ever done
I'm not what I used to be.
When I look into the mirror,
I don't even recognize the guy in there.
I'm sure she's not noticed the change:
She says I am not trying.
I'm not what I used to be.
When I look into the mirror,
I don't even recognize the guy in there.
I'm sure she's not noticed the change:
She says I am not trying.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
The Best Pickup Lines
Well, recently I have been experiencing a serious subject crisis. What I mean to say is : despite all the events that are happening around us, lately I have been feeling a lack of subjects or topics to write on/about. I cannot come up with a reason to explain this apparently strange phenomenon right now; maybe the things around me aren't inspiring the writer in me, or whatever. It need not be mentioned that the frequency with which I write blog posts is on an all time low. But the pen has to be kept in flow, lest the ink might dry up; hence I am putting forward this post. Before you judge me (on the basis of the content), let me ask you to read the opening sentence once again.
Well, pickup lines have been the basis of all population, if you know what I mean. When I say all population, I mean almost all population. Let us, for the sake of the argument, leave out India from the population I was talking about ( a logical thinker might protest this segregation, arguing that India is almost all the population in the world; oh, what the heck! ), for here the conventional protocol that leads to population is the concept called “arranged marriage”. For those oblivious of the concept of a pickup line, let me quickly enlighten you with the definition: a pick-up line is a conversation opener with the intent of engaging an unfamiliar person (usually of the opposite sex) for dating, romance or copulation. In other words, a pickup line is the hammer with which you strike the ice to break it.
Without making more fuss about it, I'll list fifteen pickup lines which I found worthy to be included in this post. Now that IIIT is full of new faces, these might come in handy for my college mates. For what it's worth, this might still make a good reading:
1.If I asked you out, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one?
( I personally would give it a ten on ten. It is foolproof, only that nine out of ten people who 'd be addressed are likely to fail to figure this out. )
2.If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
3.You've made me so nervous that I've totally forgotten my standard pick-up line.
4.(After the target walks in) And out of nowhere comes the sunshine!!
5.Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?
6.I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Target: No. Well then, please start.
7.My friends bet me that I didn't have the guts to talk to the most beautiful girl in this bar. Wanna drink with their money?
8.Excuse me, but I DO think it's time we met.
9.I was blinded by your beauty so I'm going to need your name and number for insurance reasons.
10.I'm invisible. (Target : Really?) Can you see me? ( Target: Yes) How about tomorrow night?
11.Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
12.Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa just what I want for Christmas.
13. Hey I just realized this, but you look alot like my next girlfriend.
14.Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?
15.I bet you $40 you're gonna turn me down.
Well, pickup lines have been the basis of all population, if you know what I mean. When I say all population, I mean almost all population. Let us, for the sake of the argument, leave out India from the population I was talking about ( a logical thinker might protest this segregation, arguing that India is almost all the population in the world; oh, what the heck! ), for here the conventional protocol that leads to population is the concept called “arranged marriage”. For those oblivious of the concept of a pickup line, let me quickly enlighten you with the definition: a pick-up line is a conversation opener with the intent of engaging an unfamiliar person (usually of the opposite sex) for dating, romance or copulation. In other words, a pickup line is the hammer with which you strike the ice to break it.
Without making more fuss about it, I'll list fifteen pickup lines which I found worthy to be included in this post. Now that IIIT is full of new faces, these might come in handy for my college mates. For what it's worth, this might still make a good reading:
1.If I asked you out, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one?
( I personally would give it a ten on ten. It is foolproof, only that nine out of ten people who 'd be addressed are likely to fail to figure this out. )
2.If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
3.You've made me so nervous that I've totally forgotten my standard pick-up line.
4.(After the target walks in) And out of nowhere comes the sunshine!!
5.Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?
6.I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Target: No. Well then, please start.
7.My friends bet me that I didn't have the guts to talk to the most beautiful girl in this bar. Wanna drink with their money?
8.Excuse me, but I DO think it's time we met.
9.I was blinded by your beauty so I'm going to need your name and number for insurance reasons.
10.I'm invisible. (Target : Really?) Can you see me? ( Target: Yes) How about tomorrow night?
11.Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
12.Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa just what I want for Christmas.
13. Hey I just realized this, but you look alot like my next girlfriend.
14.Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?
15.I bet you $40 you're gonna turn me down.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
To a Single Guy
Hang on there dude,
Don't just give up.
Quitting is a sport for the wusses:
This game requires more than one ball.
What are you afraid of?
Things could get no worse.
You're single, you can't be halved
Go out there and act like men.
The good times didn't last long,
She's gone; you're on the road again.
There is a lot of potential waiting to be tapped
You just need to be yourself.
What if you get turned down?
She's not the last one on the planet.
She was not meant for you anyway,
The guy up there works in mysterious ways, they say.
It's no big deal to ask someone the question,
Just do it and you'll know.
It's not the prize but the sport
That real men play for.
People fall in the races,
All the time.
It takes a winner to get up
And race again.
Don't just give up.
Quitting is a sport for the wusses:
This game requires more than one ball.
What are you afraid of?
Things could get no worse.
You're single, you can't be halved
Go out there and act like men.
The good times didn't last long,
She's gone; you're on the road again.
There is a lot of potential waiting to be tapped
You just need to be yourself.
What if you get turned down?
She's not the last one on the planet.
She was not meant for you anyway,
The guy up there works in mysterious ways, they say.
It's no big deal to ask someone the question,
Just do it and you'll know.
It's not the prize but the sport
That real men play for.
People fall in the races,
All the time.
It takes a winner to get up
And race again.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Eternal Rest Grant Unto English O Lord
Languages are an indispensable part of human existence, for they are the basis of almost all forms of communication. The beauty of any language is in its freedom of expression. Most languages are quite powerful; powerful in the sense that they allow innumerable ways of expressing oneself; they provide interesting and groovy linguistic tools of pun, irony, personification and a lot more.
A language entitles its user a truck load of power, and a common man with a limited knowledge of the language and with some wit and imagination can exploit this power to draw a wonderful masterpiece on the canvas of comprehension. However, most people seldom realize that with great power comes great responsibility: and the result of their companionship with the language is more often than not a collection of alphabets with spaces in between diffusing an ambiguous sense, or no sense at all; in other words: human forged textual gibberish in its crude canonical form.
The internet is full of such quintessential rubbish. This document is addressed to our kewl brothers and sisters who, in an attempt to appear kewl, tap their keyboards in the “wrong” spots while they type out stuff they publish on the internet. This could be considered an unofficial bulletin on the incorrect usage of language or whatever you wish to call it. From this point onwards, I’ll use language which is more “socially acceptable” by the “netizens”.
Guys and gals, understand that what you put up on the internet is actually addressed to folks of all age groups and backgrounds, and anyone can read it. So be a little more patient and considerate when exercising your freedom of speech (or rather text). Perhaps, some of you might find the following pointers useful (and some of you will find it annoying).
1. Spelling Mistakes: It appears like spelling words correctly is out of fashion today. Nowadays even numerals find their places in the midst of alphabets. I believe this is not a good sign for a language. English is spoken all over the world and to ensure that every English using guy understands every other English using guy, there needs to be a standard way of spelling things. There was once a time pupils were penalized for errors in spelling: those were the days. I wish such measures were enforced by Websites today.
People spell my as mah, life as lyf, fine as f9, me as meeh and what not. Seriously dudes, you completely deprive your statements of all sense when you do stuff like this. Incomprehension is something no sane person appreciates; yet you do it. I found this in the about me section of someone’s profile on a social networking site:
i'M nOT GoNNa tEll YA A THainG ABt Meh!!! ><....WhatYU gOnnA Do ABoUT iT huh!!??!!.....
What the hell is that supposed to mean? How did this person ever complete school?
TIP: Use a Dictionary. If you don’t have it, buy one and if you’re experiencing a financial crisis, download one for free.
2. Grammatical and Syntactical Errors: Well, one thing follows another. I’ve found that the internet is the largest source of ill-formed sentences. A sentence, by definition, is a collection of words making some sense. If spelling errors deprive the sentences of the intended meaning, the intention is lost as soon as grammatical errors creep in. And then life becomes tough. Observation indicates that three out of five people fail to handle sentences having four or more words. As shameful as it might sound, it is true: most people are not aware of the way the language works, and their grammar falls apart in every sentence they write. Consider again,
WhatYU gOnnA Do ABoUT iT huh!!??!!
This piece of text (I wish I could call it a sentence) seems to be a waste of words, and symbols of course. There’s a verb missing as well.
I don’t know if it was a typo or not but someone once asked me, “What does your travel site called?” I could extract at least three meanings from the sentence; fortunately it is easy to grasp the intended one here.
Most people are unaware of the concept of Subject-Verb Agreement. An aftermath would be, Howz you? (While someone who wrote this might think it is cool, it is incorrect still.)
Some people suck at using the correct tense of a verb. A common error would be, “Care didn’t killed the cat.” Perhaps, this is the most common error in writing that the internet is infested with.
Then there are syntactical errors. Note the “!!??!!” that marks the end of the about me example. However, such errors are allowed, as long as they don’t interfere with comprehension. Besides, some people seldom use quotation marks while others put them like toppings on a pepperoni pizza (like when they tear apart the oregano seasoning sachet and sprinkle it everywhere, and the flakes come to rest wherever they’re lucky to fall) .
3. Literary Piracy: Yes, plagiarism is widespread. People even say the same things about themselves (the notorious - about me - section again). And most often, what people say about themselves happens to be the lyrics of some Enrique song.
4. Using illegible fonts: Thanks to Orkut Stylish Fonts, readers are confused like never before. It takes more time to understand the symbols than extracting sense out of the trumpery. Once again, let me assure you, the stylish fonts are hardly cool.
5. Unneeded exhibition of attitude: Well, this has nothing to do with literacy or lack of it. Still it requires a mention because it meddles with the semantics of the text. Someone wrote this somewhere:
“When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.”
One question to be asked from oneself before propagating thoughts that are borrowed from elsewhere should be “Am I really what I’m suggesting I am?”
It is noteworthy how few people fail to notice the self contradictory nature of their accounts. The same person - in the five things I can’t live without section - wrote my mom, my dad …
TIP: Don’t just say stuff you don’t intend to propagate, just for the sake of saying. Or better consult your parents before putting stuff up there.
6. Lack of Understanding: Since the dictionaries have been out of town, there is utter chaos in the world of understanding. People assume stuff, when there are ways of finding out. Almost every girl’s Orkut profile has “mirror cracking material” in the looks column. Well, FYI people, “mirror cracking material” is used in a bad sense, if you know what I mean. It is ugliness exaggerated: ugliness to the extent that even the mirror cracks at the sight. Don’t blame Orkut for setting a tempting trap for you if you fell for it: the options are arranged in the decreasing order of the aesthetic value; still people choose the last option without noticing.
I was talking to this stylish NIFT creature once and I asked her, “So what does your old man do?” and she said, “Which one? I’ve been in several relationships?” People certainly do not think before answering. FYI lady, “old man” is an informal term for one’s father. She should’ve asked me to clarify before risking the reputation of you know who (let’s see if you can figure out who are the two people whose reputations are under threat here).
TIP: Find out, don’t assume. You have the right to know stuff if you don’t already. Believe me, no one thinks of you as un-cool if you ask them what they intend to say. Or better use other resources (like the dictionary or Yahoo answers) to find out.
A language entitles its user a truck load of power, and a common man with a limited knowledge of the language and with some wit and imagination can exploit this power to draw a wonderful masterpiece on the canvas of comprehension. However, most people seldom realize that with great power comes great responsibility: and the result of their companionship with the language is more often than not a collection of alphabets with spaces in between diffusing an ambiguous sense, or no sense at all; in other words: human forged textual gibberish in its crude canonical form.
The internet is full of such quintessential rubbish. This document is addressed to our kewl brothers and sisters who, in an attempt to appear kewl, tap their keyboards in the “wrong” spots while they type out stuff they publish on the internet. This could be considered an unofficial bulletin on the incorrect usage of language or whatever you wish to call it. From this point onwards, I’ll use language which is more “socially acceptable” by the “netizens”.
Guys and gals, understand that what you put up on the internet is actually addressed to folks of all age groups and backgrounds, and anyone can read it. So be a little more patient and considerate when exercising your freedom of speech (or rather text). Perhaps, some of you might find the following pointers useful (and some of you will find it annoying).
1. Spelling Mistakes: It appears like spelling words correctly is out of fashion today. Nowadays even numerals find their places in the midst of alphabets. I believe this is not a good sign for a language. English is spoken all over the world and to ensure that every English using guy understands every other English using guy, there needs to be a standard way of spelling things. There was once a time pupils were penalized for errors in spelling: those were the days. I wish such measures were enforced by Websites today.
People spell my as mah, life as lyf, fine as f9, me as meeh and what not. Seriously dudes, you completely deprive your statements of all sense when you do stuff like this. Incomprehension is something no sane person appreciates; yet you do it. I found this in the about me section of someone’s profile on a social networking site:
i'M nOT GoNNa tEll YA A THainG ABt Meh!!! ><....WhatYU gOnnA Do ABoUT iT huh!!??!!.....
What the hell is that supposed to mean? How did this person ever complete school?
TIP: Use a Dictionary. If you don’t have it, buy one and if you’re experiencing a financial crisis, download one for free.
2. Grammatical and Syntactical Errors: Well, one thing follows another. I’ve found that the internet is the largest source of ill-formed sentences. A sentence, by definition, is a collection of words making some sense. If spelling errors deprive the sentences of the intended meaning, the intention is lost as soon as grammatical errors creep in. And then life becomes tough. Observation indicates that three out of five people fail to handle sentences having four or more words. As shameful as it might sound, it is true: most people are not aware of the way the language works, and their grammar falls apart in every sentence they write. Consider again,
WhatYU gOnnA Do ABoUT iT huh!!??!!
This piece of text (I wish I could call it a sentence) seems to be a waste of words, and symbols of course. There’s a verb missing as well.
I don’t know if it was a typo or not but someone once asked me, “What does your travel site called?” I could extract at least three meanings from the sentence; fortunately it is easy to grasp the intended one here.
Most people are unaware of the concept of Subject-Verb Agreement. An aftermath would be, Howz you? (While someone who wrote this might think it is cool, it is incorrect still.)
Some people suck at using the correct tense of a verb. A common error would be, “Care didn’t killed the cat.” Perhaps, this is the most common error in writing that the internet is infested with.
Then there are syntactical errors. Note the “!!??!!” that marks the end of the about me example. However, such errors are allowed, as long as they don’t interfere with comprehension. Besides, some people seldom use quotation marks while others put them like toppings on a pepperoni pizza (like when they tear apart the oregano seasoning sachet and sprinkle it everywhere, and the flakes come to rest wherever they’re lucky to fall) .
3. Literary Piracy: Yes, plagiarism is widespread. People even say the same things about themselves (the notorious - about me - section again). And most often, what people say about themselves happens to be the lyrics of some Enrique song.
4. Using illegible fonts: Thanks to Orkut Stylish Fonts, readers are confused like never before. It takes more time to understand the symbols than extracting sense out of the trumpery. Once again, let me assure you, the stylish fonts are hardly cool.
5. Unneeded exhibition of attitude: Well, this has nothing to do with literacy or lack of it. Still it requires a mention because it meddles with the semantics of the text. Someone wrote this somewhere:
“When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.”
One question to be asked from oneself before propagating thoughts that are borrowed from elsewhere should be “Am I really what I’m suggesting I am?”
It is noteworthy how few people fail to notice the self contradictory nature of their accounts. The same person - in the five things I can’t live without section - wrote my mom, my dad …
TIP: Don’t just say stuff you don’t intend to propagate, just for the sake of saying. Or better consult your parents before putting stuff up there.
6. Lack of Understanding: Since the dictionaries have been out of town, there is utter chaos in the world of understanding. People assume stuff, when there are ways of finding out. Almost every girl’s Orkut profile has “mirror cracking material” in the looks column. Well, FYI people, “mirror cracking material” is used in a bad sense, if you know what I mean. It is ugliness exaggerated: ugliness to the extent that even the mirror cracks at the sight. Don’t blame Orkut for setting a tempting trap for you if you fell for it: the options are arranged in the decreasing order of the aesthetic value; still people choose the last option without noticing.
I was talking to this stylish NIFT creature once and I asked her, “So what does your old man do?” and she said, “Which one? I’ve been in several relationships?” People certainly do not think before answering. FYI lady, “old man” is an informal term for one’s father. She should’ve asked me to clarify before risking the reputation of you know who (let’s see if you can figure out who are the two people whose reputations are under threat here).
TIP: Find out, don’t assume. You have the right to know stuff if you don’t already. Believe me, no one thinks of you as un-cool if you ask them what they intend to say. Or better use other resources (like the dictionary or Yahoo answers) to find out.
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