Paradox

I am sitting by the rails.
I aim to destroy myself.
As I look back through the years,
Through all the pain and agnoy,
I am glad it all will soon end.

I'll soon leave this mortal shell
And move to some place more peaceful
Where my faults won't be pointed out.
And no blames against my name,
And no blames against my name.

I am not what I wanted to be.
I am but another slave of the latent force.
What happens is what he makes happen.
And he doesn't care what we want.
I am a damn necessitarian I know.

And If I leave the world he rules,
I will be a free soul Or will I ?
Is there life after death I know not
And will never know till I get there.
It scares me to wonder if things'll get worse.

If at all I'll be aware of myself,
Once I reach my end.
What form will the continuance of my being take?
Will it be better or worse?
We are all enclosed in Paradox.